God is teaching me more than I ever really wanted to know about grief. And, I'm still learning.
I have learned that it does not follow a straight path or have a graceful arc to it. It's more like a rollercoaster in the dark. I have never liked rollercoasters. Our grief counselor told us last week that we, as human beings, will go to great and various lengths to go around pain and he told us what those ways were so we would avoid them. Pain is a warning system. When we feel pain, we look for the source and deal with it. We have to go through this pain and deal with it. I'm still unclear how we're supposed to do that.
I've learned that grief is exhausting and stressful, both emotionally and physically. My appetite is sometimes ok and sometimes bad. I'm using a combination of ibuprofen, muscle rub and a percussion massager to try and relieve the pain in my neck, shoulders and back. I should do something more; I just don't have the energy for it. For the emotional pain, I cry, pray and/or distract. I find that there's only so much of the emotional pain that I can stand in one day before I become somewhat numb.
Grief is not always an active thing. Even when I'm not thinking about anything in particular, I have what I'd call a cloak of melancholy. It just surrounds me most of the time. Occasionally I break through and enjoy a moment- I smile and laugh- and then it settles around me again.
On the other hand, I've also learned that I believe what I say I do. Though I grieve, it's not a hopeless grief. Mary Beth Chapman quotes C.S. Lewis in her book Choosing to See. Tartan posted that quote as his Facebook status the other night.
"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
His best has turned out to be very painful indeed, but as Paul writes in 2 Corinthians v 17, "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." I know Paul was speaking about persecution, but any trouble we have during our life is momentary when seen from an eternal perspective. And what is unseen - Aimee blissfully enjoying her Jesus in heaven - is eternal.
Still trusting,
Naomi
8 comments:
Nono, I have a close friend who lost her daughter to illness 10 years ago yesterday. She was just about to turn 3. She's still married and went on to have two more beautiful children. I'm telling you this because I saw what she went through and, while she still grieves for her little girl, her "cloak of melancholy" is no longer there. There's hope. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Just hold Jesus' hand and he'll lead you there.
Thank you, Ronnie.
Dear Collier family,
We pray for you daily and especially today. Our sorrow and pain is as fresh today as it was then. May God continue to bless and guide you through the valleys.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way walk in it." Isaiah 30:21
Laus Deo
Elizabeth's aunts
Thank you for your prayers. We continue to lift up Elizabeth to Him as well.
dear sweet naomi and tartan, you don't have to excel at this right now, you must just eat and take care of yourselves and it's okay to go through the motions at times and be numb. no one knows how painful this is for you. we all are praying and loving you the best we can and like you are reaching for God's comforting hand and hanging on thru the rollercoaster. one day at a time. with much love from Alaska
We are watching and learning from you Naomi. You are showing us how hard it is to grieve. You are teaching us that this grief touches every aspect of your life. You are also demonstrating the Glory of God in suffering. He is keeping his promises to provide what you need and that you do not suffer alone. You are reaffirming that God can be trusted in all things. My family is continuing to keep your family in our prayers.
Our little three year old girl asked spontaneously the other morning to pray for you all. She did and we did and we will continue to.
Trusting in Him with you.
Anna Lattin (Ellen Brisco's sister) and family
You continue to be on our hearts and in our prayers.
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